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Zahra Barnes of Women’s Health lists these questions below:

1. Where does he want to live?: If you have dreams of living in a rustic country cottage and your partner needs the hustle and bustle of a big city, you’ll have to reach a middle ground. It might be spending a few years in one place then moving to another or living in a woodsy suburb right outside a city. Either way, you’ll either want to agree from the get-go or understand that you’ll both have to compromise. “This is essential because if one person expects to live in a certain state or town and the other wants to move across the country or closer to their family, you’ll wind up arguing and feeling resentful,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D.

2. Is he religious?: “You need to know whether or not your partner supports your views on religion, and most importantly, what beliefs he would want to pass on to children,” says Megan Fleming, Ph.D., sex and relationship expert. You two don’t need to be of the same religion—it’s the 21st century after all, and love is love! But you should certainly know whether you’re okay having differing beliefs, if one of you would need the other to convert to make a lifelong commitment, or if his religious standing affects things like his views on birth control.

3. Does he dream of being a dad?: “You don’t want one person expecting to start a family while the other actually has no interest in having children,” says Greer. But this conversation goes way beyond whether you both want kids in the first place and how many you each want to have, says Greer. Really, you should get into the nitty-gritty of how you’d ideally like to raise them. How strict of an upbringing? Public school or private? What’s the deal with junk food? Having kids is one of the most unpredictable things in the world, no matter how much you try to plan ahead. Being on the same page at least ensures you’re on the same team, says Greer.

4. How does he handle money?: How much debt does he have, and how is he trying to chip away at it? Is he good at sticking to a budget? Does he act like a rapper making it rain every time he travels but turn into Scrooge when it comes to buying clothes? “It’s important to know you have similar values about money and finances,” says Greer. “Otherwise, it will be difficult to have shared financial goals you can both work toward.”

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