All the million-dollar questions that need to be asked in order to properly secure the future with the love of your life.
The idea that no one loves a gold-digger is one of the things that shape our orientation about relationships and marriages.
And because nobody ever wants to be seen as a money-chaser or a liability, people sometimes avoid the subject of money altogether in relationships.
But that’s wrong.
Discussing money, and expressing an unhidden curiosity about your partner’s finances is not the same as being a gold digger or parasite or opportunist.
As a matter of fact, if you truly love someone you will be concerned about every facet of their life, every single detail about them, and they will be open to you about everything because relationships are about honesty, too.
While a great deal of tact and diplomacy is needed while trying to get these information, it needs to be done nonetheless, especially when the relationship is getting serious and both partners begin to commit to each other than before.
When that time comes, there are five unavoidable topics you must discuss and they are listed below.
1. Are we financially compatible?
The answer to this can be gotten by asking, and by observing also.
When in a relationship that seems to be heading somewhere great, partners need to sit down and have a conversation about their finances, the differences and how to reconcile them.
For instance, where a partner chooses to save a certain percentage of his income and the other thinks it’s too low because she places more premium on saving, then they’d have to reach a compromise on that.
2. Are you in debt?
If the answer is yes, then the next logical questions are “how much debt are you in, are they manageable debts, what’s the repayment plan, when do they mature?” etc.
You could also ask what the debt was acquired for. It helps to know that you are not marrying someone in the habit of indebting themselves for ostensible, unnecessary things.
3. What are your financial aims?
Hold on with this one till when an engagement looks very close, or just immediately after you get a proposal.
This question is as important as the cliché question “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
4. Joint or separate accounts?
Never ever get too shy or sensitive to ask this. It’s a conversation to be had either when you are about to get engaged, when you get engaged, or just after marriage.
Surely before one of marriage though.
If you are open to the idea and your partner is not, then the best thing to do is to agree on a certain percentage of your individual incomes, and deposit it in an account.
Do it in the name if your kids if you have to. As a matter of fact, you should do it for them if not for anything else.
5. How do we settle bills?
Who pays the kids’ school fees? Who buys groceries? How do you pay for your home? Who gets clothes for the kids? Who settles the rent?
Here are conversations you need to have too. Are they going to be done together, or only one of you will bear this burdens?
Better have this conversations at the appropriate time and discuss them well so you can be sure you and your partner are on the same page before it becomes too late to make any meaningful change.