Dear Bunmi,

I’m a 26-year-old secondary school teacher in love with this wonderful man. He is my second serious boyfriend. Although I really enjoy sex with him, I’m not sure if I’ve had an orgasm. Whenever we make love, he’s always asking me to tell him if I’m ‘coming.’ Well, I don’t really know, I sometimes have a feeling where I tensed up and my body quivered, but was that actually an orgasm? Can you explain to me how it should feel like?

Arit, by e-mail

Dear Arit,

There is no way an orgasm would ‘feel’ because everyone is different. Generally, there are three things you’re advised to look out for. First, do you experience some kind of spasm in your vagina, your clitoris or your whole body? Second, do the sensations build to a climax, but once they’re peaked, you relax and feel fulfilled?

And third, are you enjoying yourself? Say yes to all three and you’re definitely describing an orgasm! As for your man constantly asking if you were ‘coming,’ most men are under the illusion that both partners should climax together – it seldom happens.

The more you are in tune with your man, the more relaxed you’ll be enough to know what gives both of you the maximum pleasure.

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